You tell me that you love me
That I'm the only one, the only one you care about,
But sadly you were never there.
Where were you when I needed a friend?
A friend just to listen to me.
All those days, months and years went by,
Still no answer, no letter, no phone call,
Were you sick unable to write?
Or are you ashamed of what you created?
I am the sensitive, caring, head strong young woman,
Leaving the one person you said you loved.
You never spoke of returning,
Not even to let me know that you cared,
Or would watch me grow and develop into a young woman.
A young woman who used to go to primary school each
Why all the other kids had their mother,
To love, care and protect,
Protect them from all the bad things this world holds,
But you couldn't see that, could you?
Your heart is too dark to see the pain you created.
The houses you drift from only hold bad memories,
Memories of failure scatter your pathway,
Bitter exchanged words,
I hate you, I wish I never had you!
How could you mean this?
What have I ever done to you?
Such words have the power to devastate a young mind,
Making them feel unwanted, hated,
Feeling like nobody wants to love you,
How can I forgive you?
Knowing that the next time might be worse,
While you get to feel relief,
A relief from your responsibility to be a mother.
A soul was lost in the heartache,
To end the pain would be so easy,
All it takes is a split second decision,
This would be the easy way out,
The weak way,
A decision of selfishness.
Trust is something that I cannot gain over night,
It can take me years to really trust another,
Once it is broken it is never fully recovered,
Like a missing link inside,
You created me,
You built the defense mechanism,
Created the monster inside that shuts out anything that is the least
The seed was planted within your dark vessel,
It was not my choice to come into this world,
If I knew that I would live a life in an insecure state,
I would rather had stayed uncreated,
Will I repeat the pattern you have poisoned me with?
Promise after promise broken.
You are my biological mother,
My blood is poisoned, cursed with your destiny,
How can I rid my blood of your presence,
Cut the umbilical cord?
To move on, would mean cutting it for good,
Breaking the fragmented bonds.
The destiny that lies ahead of me is partly inherited
Do I face a future of failure, disappointment?
Am I destined to pass it down to my children?
I cannot live a life full of lies,
Hiding behind the many evil faces I may be destined to inherit,
Finding the strength within myself to take that final plunge,
The plunge to a new beginning,
Will I ever overcome this towering cloud of meaningless