Karli at Soul Food
The returning of spring holds sunny memories for
me. The smell of the air takes me back to the campouts, that lasted
weeks instead of days, in my back yard. Sunshine was so sweet, thinking
back. A good rain was the highlight of our days, one that was best
taken advantage of by dropping everything and sprinting out into
the downpour and returning sopping wet, smiling. It was perfect
in all, as many would say, and as others have described such kinds
of memories. It was just me and my shadow. And that's all I needed.
Those memories are all I have left, though, and
I am mourning my shadow. Like so much I once knew, that sunny, but
secretive, elusive almost, beautiful shadow has faded into one I
do not know. Somehow, my shadow ran away, escaped. I'm mourning
my beloved shadow, because when she left, I almost stopped caring.
When she left, she took a part of me with her,
and I will never get it back. And I was left with nothing of her
except glimpses of the shadow she once was, and some old clothes
she left behind. I once slept with those clothes because they still
smelled like her, just so I felt closer.
They don't smell like her anymore. And it breaks
my heart to know I don't have that little piece of her--who she
was. I don't feel close to her--I don't feel safe--I don't feel
the light that was her. I surround myself with pain, because I feel
that's all I have left of her.
But I still love my shadow,
the one that once was,
will always be, mine.